Been So Long

Wow, I can't believe that life has been so busy and it's taken me this long to even write anything. The last time I wrote in here was in May. There has been so many things happening for us. Some not so good and some as been an adventure.

Let's see..at the end of May, we ended up adopting a dog so that Aeris would have someone to play with so I could get stuff done around the house instead of always playing with her. The dog we adopted is named Layla, she is a full bred german sheppard but the smaller bred. She is only a month older then Aeris is. She is very much like a guard dog. She doesn't play as much as Aeris does and she is always on guard even if she is laying down or if she is just watching me doing stuff. We got her from the Pocatello pound. She is very sweet and loves meeting new people now. Layla didn't really like Aeris at first but that's only because she just got fixed and was very sore. But now they are best friends!

June...nothing much happen. We was adjusting to having two dogs around the house and making sure that they got a long. We worked on the garden a lot. It is now finish. We laid the bricks for the walk way and it looks really nice now. I keep getting comments about it and how good it is. Oh...Cale, Allyssa and Bryson where also in town.

July...there was the fireworks. We actually had a family bbq at our house. We invited everyone from my side of the family over. Afterwards, we watched the fireworks at the soccer fields and then held our own show. It was a lot of fun. I got to spend a lot of time with Cale, Allyssa, and little Bryson. The weekend afterwards Oaklen had a birthday party. This time he had gotten one of those huge blown up watersides. It was a lot of fun. The week and a half later I found out that my grandma was in the hospital and no one knew she was there the for 4 days. She was there because she didn't keep up on her diagnosis. She spent the rest of the month there trying to get her body from breaking down.

August...My grandma's condition was then realize...it was much worst then what the doctors had thought. She needed to get a heart valve transplant because the diagnosis had caused so much calcification that the valve wasn't working the right way.  The heart doctor recommend that we sent my grandma to SLC for heart surgery or she would died within a month to 6 months. She decided to go for it and was transfer around for a while until after the surgery was performed. We call and checked up on her a lot. While this was going on, I ended up getting pregnant again but lost it without realizing that I had gotten pregnant until afterwards. In a way, I am thankful that it didn't happen like the last time.

September...on the 3rd we rushed down to SLC because we was told that my grandma was worst to the point that she was on life support. When we got there, we found out that she was doing really well. Hardly had her oxygen mask on. Let's just say, I was not happy at all with everything and the mix messages that we was getting. So we meet with the doctor and the case manager and decided that we wanted Grandma to come home asap. We then told my mom and her siblings what was really going on. After meeting with the doc and case manager, we went and talked to grandma for a while and my mom and uncle talked to her. We stay for a little bit longer before heading home. That Saturday night, she passed away. I spent a lot of the time helping my mom put the funeral together and putting together her life sketch as best as possible. The next saturday we held a graveside services for her and I gave her life sketch. I was happy she wasn't in any pain anymore but it hurt to see her go. Due to my grandma passing, we didn't do anything for our anniversary. The rest of the  month didn't have anything going on.

October...Shami turn 17 this year. She didn't really do anything for her birthday but we did get her a present. Followed soon afterwards was Brooke's 18th birthday. A week later I found Opa had to be rushed to the hospital early in the month  because he thought he had kidney stones. When in to surgery and had his gallbladder taken out along with some stones but the ones that where causing all the pain they couldn't get to. So Opa had to wear a bag while they flushed his liver and panaceas clean to remove the stone for about 3 weeks before they came out. The doctors then tested the stones. At the end of the month, we was told that Opa had liver cancer and it was spending to his panaceas pretty fast and there was nothing that they could do. So we spend as much time with Opa as were could.  On the 27th, Brooke and Grayson got married thru the courts so that he could be back in time for they wedding. It's was really weird reason but it had to be done. I ended up being one of the witnesses (Grayson father was the other one).

November...Korey flied back at the begin of the month. We was up at the house almost nightly. It was hard to see Opa getting ready to pass as the days went by. The first friday night, we went up on the hill to see him like we usually did when things took a turn for a worst. It hit me really hard, so hard that I didn't want to leave him. A lot of the my male cousins, uncles and Logan gave Opa a blessing. My own mother came up soon afterwards and took me out of the room after getting chewed out by Opa (it was pretty funny. That was the most that Opa talk that night). Soon afterwards, we went home. I was very much tired and had a lesson to finish to prepare for my primary class. After church the next day, Korey and Logan was acting strange until I figured out that Opa had passed around 3 and gotten a text from my dad about it. We then held his funeral the following Saturday. Korey got to tell half of Opa's life sketch. I had never cried so hard since I lost my great grandpa brown when I was 7 or 8. I still cry over the fact that Opa is no longer here but I know he is happy. The same day as the funeral, Mom had a Thanksgiving Dinner at her house because Grayson was heading out to Boot Camp and wasn't going to be here until around christmas then would be back until June. Thanksgiving Day was spend at Logan's Mom's house with all of Logan's siblings and nieces. It was a nice change of pace for us. Our cute little nieces were growing so fast and getting prettier by the day. We helped put up Barbara's (Logan's mom) christmas stuff. The next day we when back over and had our Christmas day with them and opened presents. From Katlin and Nathan, we ended up going out and eating dinner on them and Logan's Mom took all the siblings and couples to The Forgotten Carols (which by the way was Logan and my first time to see it). I told Logan that we should look into going ever year to it.

That is pretty much what has happen up to December. The only thing that has been done this month was putting up our christmas tree. This week is the Gilbert's Christmas Party and in another week will be Katlin's and Nathan's wedding anniversary along with Oma's birthday.


Well now you are back up to day. More to come soon.

My Horrible Day

I wonder if anyone knew why today was so hard for me? It was my due date. I was fine up until this week and than some events happen and than today...all I really did was cried. I felt horrible. Here I was, childless and broken down. There was only a few people who remember and help me threw out the day. By the end of the day, I was humbled and calmed. For some reason, I felt like I need this to finish the closure. I keep feeling like something was telling me "You made it through the hard part. Now just keep going on". So...I was keep going on. I will one day have my children whenever the Lord was to bless us with them.

Doctor's visit 3/16/12

So....I had another doctor's visit on the 16th. I was called in early because I was actually suppose to be seeing her on the 22nd. I got there to find out that they didn't have my next appointment on the 22nd but on the 5th of April because it was cancel or something like that while they moved to their new place. Anyways, one of the most important reasons why she asked me to come in early was because so have some thing that she just learn about that she wanted to go over with me and she also wanted to put me on some more supplements that will help me. I didn't really get bad news but it really wasn't great news either about my health. The miscarriage has done a lot of good things for me but it also has it's bad things too. I've lost a lot of weight when I lost the baby...I got down to 176 lbs and now I have gone back up to 180 lbs. My body is having a hard time adjusting from the pregnancy...hormone wise. It also took it's toll on my thyroid so now I have a little high than I should be. The goal is to have it around 3 to 1 and right now it's at a 4.5. Dr. Wheeler also knows that it's taken an emotional toll on me for multiply reasons. 

She has put me on vitamin B3 Niacin and something to help with losing all the fat cells in my body. What the second one is for is that Dr. Wheeler explained to me that there are two types of bodies...ones that store the fat cells and are able to release them easily too or the ones when they store fat cells but have a hard time releasing them. She thinks that it will help me out a lot with losing the weight. She also said that the next time I go in (April 13th) we was going to talk about more about what will happen if I do get pregnant sometime soon. She kind of wants me to wait either a month or until I lose about 20 lbs. She's pretty positive if I lose the weight I will be easier for me to carry the baby for the full pregnancy. That's about it for now. I am hoping to get to 175 by the end of the month but we will see...most likely not. But I can hope.

February Goals

Today is the 1st of March (thank goodness!) February was such a hard month for the both of us. Anyways, so update on my heath. As you can tell from the last post, my heath is getting much better! My hormones are becoming more normal by the passing days since the miscarriage and it's really causing me to be tired most day. At the starting of January I was 185 lb...I kept that weight up to the point of losing the baby. Now I am at 178 lbs and my pants are having a harder time staying on me which is really funny. I am still working on losing some weight from my tummy since it has the most to lose and it will help out so I can move on to the next size pants I have. Also last month, Dr. Wheeler changed some things with my medicine. I am now on a personalized tincture mixture that meets my body's needs. It is so nasty tasting though! It taste as if I am drinking tree sap...well, that is what Logan says (he tired it to see what it tasted like). When I first started to drink the stuff I had to make sure that I wasn't going to throw it all back up. I also got off a lot of the supplements that I was on besides the cinnamon capsules. I still am taking my metformin for my insulin resistances and my thyroid medicine which I have already lowered once since I got put on the new tincture mixture.

By mid to late month, I will be doing another post. I have a doctor's appointment this month due to the miscarriage, the shot and the new medicine. She just wants make sure that my body is doing fine with such a quick change. Anyways, I will let you guys know what the doctor says. 

One Of The Worst Days Of Our Lives

So last posted talked about how my body was acting like it was pregnant...well I was. It was so exciting! We was so happy. I found out that I was 8 weeks along. I immediately called my doctors office February 1st when I found out. Anyways, the appointment was on that Friday the 3rd. Right after I found out I called Logan. It was so funny! He had a hard time believing that he was going to be a father. It almost took him...I'm thinking about 4 hrs before it sink in. That night to celebrate we went looking at baby stuff to get an idea of what it was going to be like shopping for it. The next few day was amazing! Logan really got into being a father and looking at what would be the best crib, car seat and etc. that we can afford for the baby and rubbing my tummy a lot.

Anyways, Friday round around and I went to the doctors. Dr. Wheeler was so happy for us! She told me to change my supplements and to schedule an appointment with an OB named Susie Binegar. She talked about what we should be aware of like most doctors do. After the appointment Dr. Wheeler sent me to get blood works for HCG levels, Progesterone level and an OB panel. I also schedule my first prenatal appointment for the Feb 22nd. Logan had to skip class for this and he said he won't missed the appointment for the world.

I went on with the day. I went to my mom's work and told her the good news along with my brother Korey. I also told the rest of my siblings (my sister Amanda was the first one to know out of my family because she always told me about hers when she found out), and Dad. I also asked them to not to tell anyone yet because I still didn't really know how far long I was. After that, I had to watch my niece and nephew for a few hours. Logan and I had the joy of tell them about how there was a baby in my "tummy". They were so happy. Taylor keep telling me it was going to be a girl and Oaklen was tell me it was a boy. A little after five I got a called from the doctors office said that I will need to get another HCG level test done. At that moment, I had this bad feeling...I told Logan about it and he try to calm me down. First off, I really shouldn't be stressing about a little blood work or it's results.

After he calm me down, we went to Logan's mom's house. We had hoped that there was going to be everyone there but only Logan and I, Barbara (Logan's mom), Kat and Natalie. Amanda had gone to Pocatello for the evening for a bridal shower and Nathan was helping out one of Kat's sisters. So I gave Logan the joy of telling his family about the baby. The reacting that we got wasn't what we was expecting but it was so funny! When Logan announced it, Kat said "I knew it!!! I was right"....we all kind of just looked at her in amusement. I guessed that Nathan and Kat both had guessed that I was pregnant the weekend BEFORE!!! I asked how she figured it out and she said that I was really happy and glowing. She than pulled out a little ones for us. It was so cute!! And I told her that I was going to tell everyone that Kat was the once one to get the baby something. Then all the questions started to be asked:

Due date: September 7-14 ( I was pretty sure that it was going to come on the 15th instead)
Names: I'm not going to post them...we kind of wanted to wait until the baby gets here. But we did have a girl's name but Logan and I had not decided on a boy's name yet.
Ultrasound: again...February 22nd.
What did we think it was: I had a pretty strong impression that it was going to be a boy.

I know we got asked a lot of question but I thought I would just put the commons ones on.

During the stay, I feel really weird...kind of panicking. I had started to spotting (which I told the doctor about and she said it was normal for first time pregnancy) a lot more...it started turning red. So I called my sister and she said that it may be a miscarriage or a period. I talked to my doctor again and she said take it easy for the weekend just in case so I did. I went out for a game and that's about it.

Sunday morning I just felt so tired. Logan went to church and I stay at home trying to get some rest, but as the day when by I really started to panic. I called Amanda again just to see if she can help me stop but once I got off the phone, I knew something wasn't right. Just after 2 I tried calling Logan but he didn't pick up. So I jumped in the shower thinking maybe that's all I need. When I was about to get out Logan got home and walked in  to see how I was doing. As I stopped showering, I felt like I was going to faint so I told Logan. Lucky, Logan was there to catch me while I passed out. After I woke up feeling so dizzy and I had to go to the bathroom. After that I knew I was losing the baby. Logan got me to the ER between 3-3:30. I was amazing at how fast they got me back to a room but than I had to do blood test,urine test and 2 ultrasounds. During the beginning of all the tests, I had Logan called our parent to let them know. We got a hold of my parents but not Logan's mom so he left a message to call him back. By the time we got done with the ultrasounds, we got a call from Logan's mom. We told her what was going on and she immediately left home and came to see us. When she got there we was still waiting for the news. When she walked in the room and just started crying again (I don't know how many times I cried while I was in the ER) and I kept on apologizing to her and Logan. Final the doctor came and give us the bad news. We had lost the baby...but I was doing fine. It was happening naturally so the doctor wasn't so worry about me besides it being my first pregnancy. He told me to go home and rest. He put me on bed rest for about a week. I had to call in work and tell them the news, lucky, they worked everything out with me peacefully. By that time, it was already 7pm and all I wanted to do was go home, take a shower, eat something, and have a blessing. Logan and Nathan both gave it to me over at Barbara's house that night.

Today, the bleeding has finally stop. I'm still tired from the miscarriage for many reasons (stupid nightmares). I had a doctor's visit with Dr. Wheeler. She was so sad to hear the news. But she also found out that I needed MMR shot. I am not immune to ruballa at the moment. A pregnant woman needs to be at the least a 5...I was a 4.1. So she told me to schedule a shot at health district and I had to get the shot before the next time we try for a kid and than we would have to wait a month before trying. She also told me that my HCG levels wasn't doing it's job...we don't really know that for sure tho. She decided the next time that I get pregnant to call at once and so they can get me in to do the panels and put me on some supplement to help me with my HCG levels during the pregnancy.

It's so weird how 4 to 5 days knowing that you are pregnant and than losing it was so fast. It was one of the hardest moments in our lives. I do not wish to go through that again. I will not pull Logan through it either. He had cried so much and tried to stay strong for me but it was hard for the both of us.