2nd Round

I am now getting ready for the second round of clomid. I have just finished the Provera (which wasn't as bad this time as last time) a few days ago. I still had sometimes where I couldn't control my emotions but I think I am getting a hang on controlling them better. I thought it was going to be just as bad as last time but I lucked out.

I will be starting the clomid here soon in a few days. I hope the 2nd round of clomid will do the trick so I don't have to worry about going to a specialist...but I have a feeling that I will be going anyways. I guess it just one of the things that I will have to do to have kids.

Anyways, in 3 weeks I go in for the blood testing. I will not lie...I am very worry. I don't really want my body getting worst. I've been working hard for 3 years to make it healthier and I just beginning to understand it too along with nutrition too.

Freelings of Late

(I will warn you that this post as a lot of my feelings and they may be hurtful towards people but not the close friends and family that are supporting us in anyway that they can.)

From my last post...things are not looking good for my health or getting pregnant. I have a lot of emotions going through me. I know there is a lot that I have to do health-wise. But there is so much more to it. I have a lot of worries going through my head. I know I shouldn't really worry or stress about it but there's just no way that I can't worry about. Anyways, here is a list of the things that are on my mind ALWAYS:

1) This whole specialist thing: I worry about this whole specialist thing because I was able to get pregnant when I wasn't so health...but healthier than I was about 3 years ago. I am so confused. Yes it's been a year since I have gotten pregnant but there may be something that I did there that I am not doing and I've thought about it and the only thing that I was doing than that I am not doing now is I am not taking the metformin...I am starting to wonder if I really should of came off that medicine now.

2) Insurance: So Logan thought that the insurance would cover most of the money that will involved the treatment but it covers nothing. So now I have to look into getting a secondary insurance or waiting until we have insurance from Logan's new working place (he was given the ok to go get a part-time job) and seeing if they cover anything. If not than we will have to talk to the doctor's office (which ever one  I end up going to) about not being on insurance and seeing if they will reduce the price for us in a way. If not we will have to wait until we can save up enough money that we could get started on it.

3) Money: I know for a fact that this whole specialist thing isn't cheap. We don't have a lot of money saved up due to loans being payed off...mostly my school loans. Due to this...we may just have to wait a few months before I can actually get in. It's kind of depressing that I have to wait for so long but I'm hoping it will work out in the end.

4) I know this sounds mean and all but I HATE the fact that people keep telling me (or other woman) that I (we) should not stress over it and it will happen or just forget about it and it will happen! Do they even know the pain woman go through who have infertility problems. Don't get me wrong...I am family members who tell me this and I don't have this feeling towards them...it's the people that I don't even know who tell me something like this when they think they know everything about me and my life. Oh! Something else that bugs me...I have talked to a lot of mom's out there and most of them keep asking me if I really want the responsible of rising children! How dare them! I've dreamed of having my own children and rising them to be the greatest that they can be. It's one of my dreams that I have waited so long for to be fulfilled.

Overall, I just hope that there is nothing else wrong with me...I think I've had enough bad news for the year...I want to start over and get better results. But life can throw so many curve balls that it's not funny at all. I am hoping that we will be lucky enough to get pregnant next year with out any trouble and what not.

Unexpected Doctor Visit

Today I was called into my doctors office. Which to most people means something bad...in this case, I would have to say the same thing.

A few weeks ago I was having really bad insomnia for a few weeks, so I decided to have the doctor's office order some blood test for my thyroid to see what was going on. That was about 2 weeks ago. I didn't hear from her last week either about the test. Also, the clomid didn't work what-so-ever this round. I didn't even end up having a period (sorry for tmi). So early this week I called in and left my doctor with the report about the clomid and some questions. I figured this week she would call me back because she been really busy recently.

Well, I was right about getting called back. I was told to come in at 12:30 because my doctor wanted to talk to me face to face about everything that was going on. I got to the doctors and waited a little bit due to the fact that I wasn't really schedule to have an appointment today and it was just suppose to be a quick visit. While I was waiting, I was wondering what I would do if I had to be sent to a specialist or even if we can afford one. Well, as soon as I got in with her, she told me some pretty bad news. Let me remind you that I have a hypothyroidism...which means that it doesn't produce enough to support the body. Well, it turns out that it at the lowest level for the test but the other two where perfect. My doctor was so confused.

So we went over everything after I started the Provera and Clomid and she was still confused with everything. She told me that this doesn't usually happens. We than talked about what has been happening in my life to see if there was something there that caused it but I couldn't really think of one. She talked about how I am looking so much better overall and my hormones are going back to normal from this. And what's really weird us out is the fact that I have lost 10 lbs in the last 2 months instead of gaining it back.

What she decided to do was put me back on the Provera to start my cycle and up the dosage of my Clomid to 100mg to see if this helps. In a little over a month I have to go get some more blood test done to see how my body is doing. If it's the same or worst she is going to sent me to a specialist. She doesn't want to wait for another year because we have been trying for so long now. But if they are a little better or great than she will try another round of clomid (that's if I start the next cycle on my own). If not...off to the specialist I go. My doctor thinks that there may be another problems somewhere that we have not discover yet but the only way of know that is if I go. So I'm guessing that in the next 3 months I will be see one no matter what (unless I get pregnant).

I keep wondering why I've been having such a hard time with this and so many other things this year. I've had been given trials to me through out my life but this year has to be the most packed full of them. I just guess I still have a lot of rough edges that need polish off better or something like that. I just hope that I am about to go through all this with a smile or just lots of hope.

Round 1: Finished Clomid and Side-effects

Yesterday I finished my first round of clomid. I now have to wait even longer to see if it worked. I'm waiting on a call from my doctor about a question but besides that everything is going good. I did have some side-effects from it. Not many tho. I was surprised. I thought I would have a lot more just because I don't really ovulate all that much. Here are the days or clomid and it's side-effect:

Day one: I got really tired to the point of wanting to sleep all day long. I also got a really bad headache with hardness to see sometimes. I didn't get the moodiness that  a lot of people complain about. I also had lots of heat flashes...and I mean lots. I was drinking so much water!


Day two: I was still really tired and got heat flashes again...about the same as day one. I had a headache here and there but wasn't has bad as day one.

Day three: By this point, I started to feel less tired and no headaches. I did get lots of heat flashes.

Day four: Lots of heat flashes again. Whenever I got stressed out I would be a little moody....especially towards the end of the day.

Day five: Again...heat flashes...maybe even more than the other days. Again lots of water. I was more moody today due to the fact that I was stressed and had a lot of things to get done.

Now that I am off it, I don't seem so moody...but tired again. I still get lots of heat flashes. I still can't believe that there is still lots of days before I know if it has helped out not. All wait...I guess it's a good thing that I started this around the holidays so they make me busy so it's harder to sstressed out about it.

Happy Birthday Logan!

Today is Logan's 27th birthday! He's so close to being 30 (it's a joke between Kaya, Logan and I)!

AS for the present that I got him, I got him a goldfish. Recently, his favorite two died a week apart and he was really depressed about it. So I told him that I would get him a goldfish.

Last night we headed to PetSmart (just because we know that they have better goldfish than most places). And here is his new little friend!!!

Meet Pumpkin Patch!!! Pumpkin for short.

Last year, Barbara brought some more fishes for him...I don't think I've took a picture and posted so here they are. I didn't get one of the sucker fish.

The fish on the right is Pumpkin and that's the other fish on the left ( it has...like 3 names)

And meet the biggest fish in the tank as of now. I've names it Snow...Logan doesn't know that yet.

One Busy Saturday

Saturday was so busy!!! We had so much to do and things that are happening this next few months.

Let's see, the day started off wrong. Logan forgot to finished setting the alarm clock and we ended up getting up over more than an hour. We was actually cutting it to two hours too. So we got up and Logan run to the bathroom and I made breakfast for us. As soon as I finished, I hurried up and jumped in the shower myself. We was suppose to be at our church building at 9:30am but we actually didn't get there until 10 o'clock. We are in the primary. We teach the sunbeams and we was practicing for the Primary Program that was today. (Because of the Primary Program I wasn't able to go to see Kaya's Homecoming talk...I felt bad. At least she understand why). We even got out of there late because they were having trouble getting the pizza there. And I am proud to say that I did not take a piece of pizza. Logan had a piece...I let him considering he has already lost 20 lbs from the last 2 1/2 months. We got home about 1 o'clock that afternoon.

As soon as we got home, we had to start getting ready to be a the temple by 1:30. Logan's sister Amanda was getting her endowments. Before getting there, we headed to subway and had a small lunch. We got there about 15 minutes earlier than planned and found out that Logan's mom left her camera at home. So we went to her house (which is 5 minutes away from the temple) and picked it up and was soon back at the temple. By the time we got back, it was time to head in. Amanda's good friend Jason and his mom came for it. It was really nice. Every one that came was us, Barbara, Carolyn, Amanda, Jason and his mom ( don't know her name yet).  I always seems to get experiences of some type of emotions whenever I go through a session or a sealing. With the recent struggles, I ask the Lord for help but I got something so surprising that I was so happy that I was crying to the point I had snot running everywhere. I was so embarrassed!!!!

I was able to clean up and was the last one out. As soon as we got out of the temple we took a few pictures for the experience. Amanda again told us about how her mom said to take a few pictures of us (Logan's Mom is always the one taking the pictures....so when we heard about this we were all surprised). Afterwards, we (Jason, Amanda, Carolyn, Barbara, Logan and I) went to Apple bee's for dinner. Later, Barbara dropped off Jason and ran to the store before meeting us back at her place. We than had brownies (fudge-like which is not Logan's favorite) and ice cream and Logan opened up his presents. He got a propane lantern and swiss rolls which I have asked if he could throw away but he has said that he will take his time eating them.

After that, we had to go and get my sister, Breanna and her step-brother Carl and watch them for a few hours which ended up like an extra hour. But we went to get Logan's present from me at petsmart. I'll write about that in the next post. We than we back to our place and played RockBand Lego. She really love that one. We played until we where so tired that all we can do was watch t.v. until her mom got here. Than off to bed! 

Starting Another Blog

I've decided to start another blog...but for a different reason. I was going to use this one as a workout journal and keeping health. With the new diet I will be working out a lot and will need to keep track of my process somehow and since I'm on here so often, why not do a blog. Plus everyone will be able to read it so if they even need some guidance about something that involving working out, they can go there. I’m still working on getting it started with all the facts but I am doing the journaling too. It may take a while to make it same like it’s doing its job. 

I am also hoping this will help me make sure that I keep on track with eating healthy too. I’m tired of feeling sick all the time so I may as well eat like I want to get health again. Anyways, you are welcome to follow me in my new adventure.

10x Harder

I wonder why some times I want to involve my husband about getting health. Don't get me wrong, I love doing it with him but...he's a guy. MOST guys don't usually like doing things like changing your diet (especially when it comes to stuff that they love...like food).

With this diet I had to cut out some major stuff that he enjoys a lot but not only of his but mine too. I feel bad but I really am tried of being sick all the time and want to get health. As of yet this is the only one that I had great results within a week of doing it. Not only did I lose weight but I also felt great! I was up and about and ready for the day before 9!

But what really gets me is that every meal that I make Logan always ask for something that he knows that he can't have. It's getting really annoying and I just want to give up on the whole thing especially for the day too. I don't know why but it makes me so mad that I feel like I don't want to do anything productive. I mean...I let him eat pretty much whatever he wants if we are eating at a family's house so he can enjoy it once in a while. I really can't complain since he's dropped 20 lbs in the last 2 1/2 months (which is not fair!) while I've only drop the 7 lbs in the last month.

I just don't know how to get it across to him to how important this is to me. I even bought him a book just for him to help him understand how the whole diet goes (it's for the men who try this diet) but he has of yet read one day on it (due to the fact of school and work). I hope it gets through here soon...because the holidays are coming and it's going to get a lot hard now.

Starting to Workout....Again

I have just recently started to workout...again. I am hoping to really stick to it this time.

I am not only doing cardio but weight training...which scary me because the whole idea of weight training is new and makes me think of these huge, ripped guys. But I am going to do my best. Right now I am working on getting back into the water workout. I will be doing laps or the water aerobics. I am hoping to at least start with one workout as weight training. I'm really hoping to see improvements quick but than again everyone is different. I guess I will have to wait and see the results myself next month. Wish me luck!

Round 1: The Waiting Game

So...I just finish my last pill for the provera. I now have to wait for my period...anywhere from 5 to 10 days. I hate this part. Although I did spot on my 8th day of the pill (sorry for tmi). I don't know what that means but I guess it could be a good sign. I will have to wait and see.

Now, after waiting I than have to go clomid. I have heard of stories where you can take the clomid on either 3cd - 7cd or 5cd - 9cd. I guess the first one makes it so that you are more likely to release a few more eggs but the eggs themselves may not be top condition. Meanwhile, while taking it on 5cd - 9cd makes it so you release less eggs but are more mature and healthier. I think either way would of been fine. I just want to see if this is what we needed to do this whole time. And with the new diet...I hope that helps out too. But maybe the next time we have kids I won't have to get help due to it.

The Eating-Clean Diet

In the last month (I am not sure when exactly), I came across this great "diet" (life changing...I not a person who looks into any yo-yo diets).


Not many (or many of you) have heard about the "The Eat-Clean Diet". I was one of the many that didn't know about this diet. I was already eating pretty health (well, from what I learned by myself), but my doctor want me to keep changing diets just because we couldn't find the right one for my body. The diet she wanted me to look at was the Paleo Diet..it cuts out a lot of good nutrient and I didn't feel as if was for me. While looking up this diet, I ran across eat-clean. I had a hard time researching it online so I order the "Just the Rules: The Eat-Clean Diet". Once I got it I had it read within the day. It was nuts. I went from "ok...lets see what this one has to offer" to "I want to start now!" IN THE MANNER OF MINUTES. With my college degree, I understand that this is one of the best diets that I have even read about. It does not cut out any of the food groups but it does cut out the processed, overly sugar and toxic foods that we all love and want.

It's only been a few days since I started but my cravings (you know: chocolate, ice cream and what-not) have almost disappear!! I no longer in need for these things. Yes, once in a blue moon I wall enjoy them but only for special occasions like holidays and birthdays. And the other best part of this whole thing is that I am always full and happy. I don't ever over eat anymore due to the fact that my stomach has a mind of it's own now. I've already have lost 2 lbs and lots of inches! A funny thing is, I haven't even started exercising again. It's all been from what I eat.

I am not saying that you have to follow this diet too. It's just a great one for me. If you are interested click on this link to see recipes and many other things. If you want to buy the books...I would recommend going to amazon or look around for the best price ( I just got out of college and my husband in grad school for his masters...which means we are don't have lots of money).

Wish me luck!!! I really hoping that this is it! 

My Small Blessings

Last week (or was it the week before???) Logan went in and got tested. We received great news that there was nothing wrong with Logan. Everything was perfect. I was so happy for him! That was one less thing to worry about.

But than I realized that it was all my fault that we don't have kids yet. I was miserable. I don't think I was so miserable in my life besides for the miscarriage. I went for a day or so before trying to talk to someone about it. I have some friends who are in the same problem as us. So I decided to write her. I let her know how I felt and everything. I was really surprised when a few hours later not only did she message me back but she was very supportive about the whole thing. And what makes it even better is she gave me a few talks to read. I cried after reading them. I was so happy that I wasn't in this alone and that this friend was willing to help me out even tho she is struggling too. I really am gratefully to her. I still have to email her back but I have a different look on things now. I'm happier too. It's friends like them that are truly a blessing. ^-^ And all my friend who are always supportive of me with everything I do. YOU all are truly my small BLESSINGS.

October General Conference 2012 Saturday

For conference today, I went over to Kaya's and Marlene's house. Logan was working all day and so I didn't really want to watch it alone so I asked if I can join them for conference since Logan wasn't going to be able to watch it with me. So they let me come over and watch with them. I was there the whole day.

Today we also receive great news from President Monson about missionaries:

And the next two things that I saw was this (without the words):

And Kaya jumping everywhere! She was so excited that she was talking so fast in Spanish. These was a few of the highlights of the day beside conference and the speech from Shayne M. Bowen. 

I really love conference. It has confront me in so many ways today. I hope that tomorrow is just as good as today was. ^-^

Plus I love this saying by Ann M. Dibb (Second Counselor). I'll have to put in my own touch but it would look really great!

We Made A Decision

Today I went to the doctors. I was kind of nervous and what not for it being something that is such a big decision. Logan and I did decide to try the Clomid. Dr. Wheeler also talked to me how to take the stuff and what it does.

So now she is putting me on the Clomid. But since I have not had a period since August so is also going to put me Provera. Provera is more medicine but it makes you body have a period. So she wanted me to take the Provera to get my body going and than take the Clomid. I was also asked today if Logan has ever got checked. I was surprised when she asked. I would never thought of having Logan get checked since we already got pregnant once.(Don't take this wrong) But than I thought "what if that was just a fluke and what if that is the reason why I had the miscarriage in the first place?". I know that sounds bad but I really didn't mean it in a rude way. Dr Wheeler and I both thought that I should do a few rounds to see if anything happens. If not, then she is going to send us to a specialist.

 I think the only reason why I never thought of taking it is the fact that I am scared of medicine recently. When I got diagnosed a few years back I was told that I wouldn't be able to have kids...and while I was getting my insulin resistance treated I have huge side affects, one which make it very hard to breath. I guessing that I am scared that something will go wrong again. But this is a big decision for us.

I also told my Doctor today that both of my parents were twins and she was surprised (I thought I told her once). She said that we may have twin even without any help one day than. But my next appointment is at the beginning of they year Jan. 17th unless something good or bad happens in the next few months.

Kaya is Home

KAYA (Kalee Jones) IS HOME!!!!!!!!

I thought everyone should know. ^-^

She got home on the 26th of September. It was so great to see her again. I started to cry when she came thru the doors but somehow I was able to make myself stop. :P Anyways, after everyone left the airport we all head over to her place (Kaya, Kristen and Kaya's Mom, Marlene and me). We sat and talked about some of the adventures that she had and how her apartments were and everything. 

Now most people know that kaya is like an older sister to me so I was so happy to have her home and I can't wait to do lots with her before she heads back to school in January.

4th Anniversary

We didn't really get to do much for our anniversary this year due to the fact that part of my family was over. We almost forgot all about it and had planned on going to the Rexburg Temple since we have not been for a long time. I also wanted to eat there too...but I forgot that temple didn't have a cafeteria in it. I remember when we was first sealed there. It was so beautiful outside! I may just have to go thru my photos again.

My Horrible Day

I wonder if anyone knew why today was so hard for me? It was my due date. I was fine up until this week and than some events happen and than today...all I really did was cried. I felt horrible. Here I was, childless and broken down. There was only a few people who remember and help me threw out the day. By the end of the day, I was humbled and calmed. For some reason, I felt like I need this to finish the closure. I keep feeling like something was telling me "You made it through the hard part. Now just keep going on". So...I was keep going on. I will one day have my children whenever the Lord was to bless us with them.

Making A Few Decisions

Recently Logan and I have been going through some troubles which are making us make some decisions. Some have been a couple decision or it has been Logan or my choice. And here is a list of them and what we choose to do:

1. Car trouble - At the beginning of the summer, Logan's car broke down. The bottom of the engine went out. Due to the fact that not only is Logan still going to graduate school, I still have to pay off my loans. We decided to not buy another one until we have some more money and knew if we was going to stay in state after Logan graduates or leave the state.  Also we found a hair-like crack in my car that would take a thousand dollars to replace but since Logan's car is some much like my model that we are going to use parts from his car to put in my car.

2. Infertility - Due to my health problems we still can't seem to have kids yet and we are kid of tried of waiting. So we are take my doctor's word and going on Clomid starting in October. We do not know if this will work or not. We all still think it would help out if I lost 40 more pounds. So....now I'm also getting ready to do a detox that I found out from one of Logan's friends. I'm hoping this helps out a little more too.

3. Student Loans - So Logan still has two more semesters before he is done but due to the fact that for some reason no one wants to hired me Logan when out and got his job back from Sears...only he's going to be working in Idaho Falls Sears now. With this we are hoping to get a lead on somethings but not liking now.

4. Still Looking for a Job - As I said before no one wants to hired me...so we kind of started talking about me going back to school and getting a different degree. I was thinking photography or graphic designer...it's still up in the air right now since we have a lot to look into especially with maybe moving next summer sometime towards the end of it. .

Korey's and Stefanie's Wedding

Today was Korey's and Stefanie's Wedding. We all had a blast. I cried so hard when Korey was sealed to Stefanie. I was so happy for them. After the sealing they went to the front of the Temple and told pictures. I did a few myself also. I figure I may as well, because there were a lot of family that I have not seen in a very long time. After that, we all when our home and took naps...besides Logan and I. I was still finishing the wedding cake that day just so that I would not melt while we was outside. I finished putting on the fondant just in time to head over the park for the reception and finished the final touches on the cake. It turn out so great! I was surprised with myself. We than waited for the reception to start. For an hour Logan and I went around and was talking to family members and friends. After that hour, we than started dancing...well, not really. I only dance a few time within the first hour and than I thought "what the heck...my brother only gets married once" and walked out on the dance floor with my sisters. NOW, Logan was different on the other hand. He would only come on the dance floor until it was a slow dance with me. 

We really missed having Cale here with us. We all know that he would of been out on that dance floor with Korey and Stefanie to the very end of the night. We missed you so much!!!

Here are some pictures from the temple. I hope Everyone enjoys them. 

Stefanie and Korey

Shami and Korey

Breanna, Trina and Shami

Shami, Dad and Breanna

Brooke, Mom, Grandma, Char and Danni (Char's girlfriend)

Char and Danni

Breanna, Opa, Oma and Shami

And finally here is a picture of the cake!

August 16th - Doctor's visit

I will say this now...this one will be very short. I do not remember a lot about this one because Korey's and Stefanie's wedding was two days later and than two days after that we went to Cali to visit Logan's brother Nathan and his family (another post that I am hoping to get to).

Doctor will talk to me about another diet that I should try. It's called the Palio diet (I think that's the name)....? Pretty much I would be cutting out dairy and breads and eating lots a legumes (including lots of beans...). I've been trying it, but I always get headaches and bread always seems to make it go away. Why you may ask? To tell you the truth...I do not know. I think it may be due to the fact that recently I've been having smoothies for breakfast.

She also commented on that fact that my body is starting to portion out better. I guessing that's due to the fact that I started on Callanetics (which I have recently been slacking off on) and Zumba (which I'm slacking off on too). I've was eating a lot healthier but with all the traveling that I have done this summer it may take me about a month to get back to what I used to eat. I've also notice that my clothes are fitting really weird now due to the inches that I'm losing.

We also talked about fertility medicine. Logan and I have both decided to go on clomid for 2 reasons: 1) It will help with my PCOS problem of  not releasing the eggs and 2) We would LOVE to start our family. The doctor was going to put me on it right after that appointment but I told her that Logan and I wanted to wait until October - November time due to the fact that Logan has his second conference trip in Italy and I kind of wanted to go with him because it will probably the only time that we will ever go on a big trip like that before having kids. So the doctor and Logan let me make a choice on when to start it and I chose October.

That's pretty much all I can remember from the trip. My next appointment is schedule on Oct. 4th to make some finally decisions and to see how I doing now that I'm not traveling a lot.

Korey's video

So, tonight I was looking on Facebook and I notice that my little sister, Shami, posted a video of Korey, my brother. It's so funny!!! But don't just take my word for it watch the video yourself. ^-^

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=486259808068598

Yellowstone Park

I'm so far behind on my posts. I have about 4 or 5 months behind...I feel really lazy. Anyways, I guess the first step is by finishing this post. ^-^

So I went to Yellowstone Park for the first time and it was pretty cool. We didn't see much animals but we did see some. Anyways, Barbara, Amanda and Logan took me to the Fairy Falls hike....it took us about 4 or 5 hours long. To be truthful, I have never been on that long of a hike. My longest hike would have to be 3 hours. Towards the last third of the hike....I was so tired. I had knots in my feet the size of acorns!!

After the hike they took me to old faithful. I thought it was ok. The geyser that we saw on the hike to
Fairy Falls. But they did tell me that depending on how it goes off the last time, it can be better too. Something like that.We also went to see the boiling mud ( that seemed really odd to me) but they were really watery this year is what they all said. We also visited another falls...I think it was the Gibbs Falls. It was really pretty. Logan is taking me back this fall at the end of September. He want to take me back for our anniversary trip...so I guess this year we will have to visit a temple that we already have visited. ^-^ It will be a lot of fun.

Cale's Small Surprise

This morning I woke up and notice that there was a lot of messages on my phone from facebook. So I get on facebook to find out that my little brother, Cale, who is in the marines and who I've not seen since April, posted these small messages. Now recently I've been really emotional and can't help crying. Well, when I read the message for me I started crying. He's such a great kid. He's pushed through so many hard times as I did and he still remembers all of us while he is gone. I love and miss him so much. I hope to see him at the end of the year instead of next spring. 

I've posted all the messages that he left us. I hope you guys enjoy reading them!:

Mom, you mom were the one that supported me. I remember hearing you get up in the morning early as heck and getting ready for work. You did the best you could every single day you took care of us kids so well. To me it felt like you didn't ever buy yourself anything, you always put us first. You showed me even though the tiger has you by the throat that it's still not over, that you will still find a way. I hope one day mom I can afford to buy you a big house and that you can retire. A house out in the country so you can have as many patches, shilos, and hooch's as possible. I love you mom and I miss you. Don't work yourself to death.

Brad, Deng man we sure did have problems. But you taught me how to solve a problem like a man. That you don't solve every problem with your fist. You taught me a lot brad. You taught me how to build character and how to not drop a car on yourself, haha. The most memorable thing I remember of you brad is when I almost burned the crap out of your chest with the torch at work. Holy geez, I never crapped my pants so hard. But somehow, someway you didn't even have a scratch. When I come back home it'd be nice to go fishing or something. But work is the first priority. Just wanna say thanks for everything. Love you and are care.

 

Dad, you dad. You never ever gave up on me. You always were there to encourage me, to bandage up my cuts and get me back in the fight. You gave me the mentality that I could make it no matter what. Well dad you pushed me along way and you still push me to go even further today. I love you dad and I miss playing catch with you. I know you won't see this but maybe, just somehow you'll see it somewhere or it'll get sent to you. I love you dad. Thanks for always being there and taking care of me.

 

Korey, wow where to begin. You Korey, I remember when you and Tyann would come over for the weekends to spend time with us and every time it felt like Christmas. We just couldn't get enough of you two. But the most memorable thought of you was when you ate it hard on that ramp at your cousins house and skidded for eternity down the sidewalk. You almost landed a front flip but you got up like a champ, like a stallion and kept going, or actually just went in the house but still. I always looked up to you. I love you buddy and congrats on getting Married. Your gonna be a great ball and chain. Haha or is it the other way around. Take care and stay safe.

 

 Tyann, I remember when I was still just a little guy. I took the remote from you and I ran down the hall way and slammed the back door on your toe. I thought I had killed my older sister. Thinking back I wish I was a better younger brother and wish I treated you better. But for now I just wanna say that I am extremely happy for you and Logan and I know you two will start and have a beautiful family. I love you big sis and,I didn't forget about all your chocolate chip pumpkin bread that Char and myself ate. Take care and thanks for everything

 Brooke, I remember when you were really young and we went fishing at Mackey reservoir and instead of fishing you just sat there and ate the worms. Haha. When dad found out he was so mad but so cracked up he just walked away. Your gonna do great things as well Brooke. Just keep pushing and keep getting good grades. Don't let those other girls bring you down, don't let the stupid boys break your heart cause one day a man worthy of being with you will come along. I love you little sis. Take care.

Char, I remember when we were little kids and we'd beat the crap out of each other. It was constant picking on each other but what I didn't realize is that you were the best friend I had. At times I may have made it seem that I didn't care but I always wanted the best for you. I wanted you to play football, I wanted you to play a lot of sports cause I wanted to say that's my brother and be proud when I said it. You were always the underdog buddy but always could find a way to put yourself on top. You got potential buddy and I know you can do great things. I miss you brother and friend. Take care and I love you.

Puerto Rico Day 1 & 2

So day one was consisted of flying, running, flying and eating. We first started in Salt Lake City at  six o'clock in the morning...yes that is right! 6 AM! We got in by 6:30 am and then we looked around for some breakfast because we left before breakfast was even out. The flight wasn't bad...I just couldn't get any sleep and the flying part was better than last time too. Our first stop was in Dallas, TX. We had an hour before the next flight we we still needed to get lunch. So we asked someone where the next gate was suppose to be because it wasn't on the boarding ticket and we really needed to go to the bathroom. The Dallas airport was so huge that we had to take a train-like thing that to the other side of the airport and in the end we made it right when they were at the end of loading people. This flight was different just because it's the longest flight that I have been on. Which by the way was 5 hours! I was ok with the first and second hour of the flight but than I got restless and so I ended up take a nap (how....I do not know.) which took up an hour and a half which left the half an hour. Than we arrive here in Puerto Rico! ^-^  It's so green here!! After we landed, we landed and found our taxi to our hotel. We arrive and checked in and found out that Logan didn't read the fine print and so we

ended up with a room with two full beds with the view above. We talked to the front desk and they change our room the next day to a room with a king bed and we are located right above the front door. I also have to admit that the taxi drive was nuts!! I was holding onto the seat beat for my dear life!

On the second day, we slept in for a while. I woke up at nine and Logan woke up at ten ( the hour difference is by two hours...so it would of be 11 for me and noon for Logan). We didn't do much today because we was still learning what going on around here and all the places and what not. I did end up passing out in the lobby while reading. We also when seashell hunting tonight and found about a pound of them. We also found a sand dollar. We are planning on going early in the morning so we can get some huge shells.Oh...here's some pictures of the back of the hotel.

Here's our favorite picture of the day. I hope you guys like it too.

Bountiful Temple

The weekend before Carolyn's wedding, we went and watch her get her endowments from the Bountiful Temple. Everyone who went was Barbara, Katlin, Logan and I. It was so different from the Idaho Falls Temple but it was special in it's own way. I love the view too! It was so green and colorful from all the flowers.

May Weight Goals

Last month I weighed 181 lbs at the beginning and at the beginning of this month I weighed 184 lbs. I've also lost a lot of inches around my belly and I keep getting ask how much weight have I lost but in reality I've gain some. It kind of like a bitter-sweet feeling to me. To tell you the truth, I'm still kind of depress about not being able to lose the weight like I have but than I've been think about when I lost all the weight in the last year of high school. I had started to lose the weight by losing the inches first and than the weight just keep on dropping off. I'm really hoping that's what happening. I know the weight that I've gain is also muscles....but why must you gain weight in order to lose it??? Wait...I know the reason but it's just a pain in my butt. I've also notice that I've been having a hard time eating right just because we are so busy that most weeks we don't get to the store for fresh food. I guess we will see what next month holds for me. ^-^

False Signs....Again??

Well, as the titles says, I am having more false signs. It so weird how much I really don't know what my body is doing or what it is thinking. I had a lot of cervical mucus discharge and tender breast (sorry for TMI). The tenderness wasn't like when I was pregnant but I've only been pregnant once and I always hear that every pregnancy is different. So I call the doctor and she order blood tests to make sure...which came back negative. The doctor said that signs could been just because my hormones are changing again and that she will talk more about it when we met at the next appointment which is on Flag Day.

Doctor Visit 6/14/12

This visit was much...well, actually it was in a way. This visit was also very fast too just because I email my doctor a lot now. We talked about trying callenatics into my workout schedule. I guess it was a very big thing back in the 80's and it works just as my or even better than zumba...I'm not sure.

We also talked about lowering my thyroid medicine again since I was doing so good. My weight hasn't really changed from the last time I visited the doctors. I'm thinking it may not happen until september...we will have to see how things go.

The other thing that we talked about was about me taking fertility medicine...this to me is a very big decision. I don't want to take this lightly just because if I do take it there is a huge risk for me just because of the health conditions within my family. I'm kind of not leaning towards it but I'm not really sure. The doctor agreed to wait until we felt comfortable with the idea before doing it. Mostly...we may end up with multiples. Don't get me wrong. I would love it if it's just twins but there is no way that I will know that it's just twins instead of triples or more.

Next visit August 16 at 4pm. Update again than.

Joseph and Carolyn's Wedding

     Joseph's and Carolyn's Wedding was so pretty.

     The night before the Wedding, Logan, Barbara, Katlin, Amanda and I...with other family members went to the church building ready. It was so great to spend sometime the Logan's family. I was also very happy for Joseph. We got the reception area ready along with the Lunch-in for the family.

     It was a beautiful day! I was fulled with love and joy. Logan got to be a witness for his sister's sealing I thought that was very special for him. There where so many tears of joy in the room. Logan and I both testify that we knew his Father was there for the evidence even tho he passed away a few years ago. At one moment, I also felt someone hugging me for comfort. I love sealings. I reminds you very time what you promised not only to the Lord but your spouse.

   After the sealing, we all met outside and took lots of pictures! Katlin's sister was taking the pictures for the wedding. They all turned out great! We than went to the Lunch-in and got to meet everyone. Afterwards we had like 4 or 5 hours until the reception so I finished touching up the cake just in time for family pictures. Joseph and Carolyn loved your cake. I was really happy with the way it turn out. Somehow I got the yellow tint to the fondant which made the cake match the colors so much more.

     During the reception, I did a lot of running around helping here and there. Getting the bride and groom drinks or food. I also got to talk to some of David's brothers (Logan's dad). It was nice to see them all again. Plus all of the other family members and friends. It was a great day. ^-^

Here are some pictures:

Joseph and Carolyn

Everyone!

Pretty clouds...right?

The Tew Family

Joseph's Family

Bride's and Groom's Moms

Nat and Nathan

Joseph, Carolyn and Barbara

Carolyn and Amanda

Emily, Carolyn and Nat

ISN'T SHE THE CUTEST!!

And so is her baby sister, Emily

Cuteness!!!

And here is their wedding cake:

Doctor's visit 4/12/2012

So this last appointment was just to see how I am doing physically and emotionally. I was still having a hard time with everything mostly about the baby. Anyways, my dr. and I talked about a few things. She started me back on chase tree again to see if that helps with my cycles to get them going again. She also talked to me about starting to exercising again. I also thought it would be good too. She explained to me that if I get pregnant before losing some weight it would be fine with her because that's also one of the goals we put down when I first saw her and she really understands how I feel recently about the hold thing. My thyroid was doing great. It when back to normal too.

She also decide since I'm doing great that she will start see me every 3 months just because right now we are fighting to lose the weight and everything else is going great. My next appointment is on Flag Day (June 14th) around 4:00. I hope everything is still going great when I go to see her than. ^-^